121 - From Awkward to Confident: Learn How to Talk to Strangers Like a Pro

  📍 Again, remember that active listening, formulate those new responses. 

And then respond in the way that you would then like to respond in. Especially if someone tells you something a lot of times I'll just go. Interesting. 

Versus saying just, uh, uh, uh, uh, Hmm. Um, Hmm. It just, no, just, no, just stop it. Stop. It sounds bad. You sound gross. You don't sound like, you know what you're doing.  📍 Oh, what is going on guys? Welcome back to another episode of motivate grind. Succeed. The podcast we empower you to level up your life in the four foundational cornerstones of faith, fellowship, fitness, and finance. Each and every episode is going to be packed with practical tips and takeaways for you guys to help you to thrive. If you guys enjoy the show, please leave us a rating and review as a really does mean the world to us. 

If you're so interested in joining the email list that we got going on or supporting the show as well, you can check out this episode's description. Wherever you're watching this. You've Roxanne's on apple podcasts, Spotify, Google. Or if you're watching this on the website, the motivate grind, succeed website, scroll on down. You're going to see that information there. 

Otherwise, let's dive right in to this week's episode. And we're going to dive into a topic that a lot of people struggle with, and that is overcoming the fear of talking with strangers. Now.  📍 We're not gonna talk about public speaking per se, in this one, but we are gonna talk about just general public. 

You find somebody that you've never seen before? And then you want to go talk to them or maybe you don't want to talk to them either way. We're going to be talking about in this episode, how you can go about overcoming that fear of talking to these strangers. Right. So, whether you're at a networking event, you're at a social gathering or you're just in an everyday normal situation. 

Striking up a conversation with somebody let's be honest. It can, it can feel some type of way, right? You're not so inclined to just go up and start a conversation with any random Joe Schmoe that you see on the road. Uh, for whatever reason it may be. Doesn't really matter, but you're just not inclined to do so. 

And it makes sense, right? Us as human beings. If you think back to our caveman ooga booga brain days, if it's somebody or something that we don't know, we're going to be very hesitant to approach. Think about it like a cat, right? If a cat doesn't know what's going on, they're going to be very hesitant to approach or does any animal in general? 

It doesn't know it's going to be a little bit fearful. We, to an extent. Are no different. If there's something that we don't know, there's going to be a little bit of hesitancy is going to be a little bit of a friction or a barrier. In between us and whatever it is on the other side of that barrier, whether it be a physical barrier or a mental one that we set up. 

There is some barrier there. And this episode is going to help us to be able to overcome that barrier. And so we're going to get into the strategies and the tips. Right after we talk about this real quick blurb of where this fear potentially comes from. Right. So a lot of times this fear of talking with strangers or talking with people in this fear of this, a lot of times stems. 

From that fear of  📍 rejection or that fear of judgment. Right. What if I say something wrong, what if this person doesn't like me? What if this person says, what if this person says that. It was a whole bunch of what ifs going on in your brain. And you haven't even taken any action yet. Think about it this way. 

If this person were to reject you. What is the worst that they can possibly say to you reasonably. No. Thank you. Not interested, have a nice day or does walk away something like that. Right. Reasonably speaking, assuming that person is a reasonable, rational, human being. Naturally. That individual is just going to say something along those lines. 

And what happens you continue on with your day. The person said, no, you continue on no problem. Or let's say you have the fear of being judged. Let me settle this for you right now. Us as humans. All we do is judge. Whether it's verbal nonverbal doesn't matter. Every single person, judges, every single person. It's just what happens. It's human. It's natural. It's what we do. We judge individuals and come up with a preconceived notion of what we expect. 

So that way we know how to govern ourselves. Imagine this right. If you see someone. Taking this as an example, you see two people walking towards you. One person is dressed as a doctor. One person is dressed as a police officer. Who are you more? If something goes down like something, something really bad goes down, let's say there's somebody who's trying to attack. Or somebody is trying to come in with a gun. Who are you going to be more, most likely. 

To then look at and say, I need this person to protect me. The police officer, why is that? Because based on your preconceived notions and what we already understand  📍 about how these things work and how people's occupations work, we have already subconsciously judged. That the person's in the police officer uniform. 

Most likely has a weapon. They both likely know what they're doing compared someone like the doctor. Now, again, this is not see the doctor doesn't know how to fight or anything. But more than likely when push comes to shove. If something were to go wrong, we are looking to that police officer. Before we're looking to that doctor, if it comes through, there is some harm there. Now, if it comes to somebody who needs healing and help, we're looking for that doctor. Right. So had to clear that up. 

But again, The fear oftentimes comes from rejection or judgment, right? We oftentimes worry about what we're going to say or how we're going to be perceived. And we oftentimes don't want to seem awkward. We want to make everything look right. We want to make everything sound good. It's not going to happen. 

I'm just going to leave it blank. Plain. Jane slate right there. It's not gonna happen. You're gonna make mistakes. You're gonna mess up. You're going to suck again for people who know about this podcast who have been around the block, man, this podcast a few times go all the way back. Just listen to the first few episodes I did before I say the F in the first 20 episodes. 

Listen to those and hear how those sound listen to the delivery. Listen to the quality, listen to the style. Then come back here and listen to me. Now, you're going to hear those first ones compared. To now. Absolutely God awful. Okay. But that is. The growing pains. That's what you have to go through. 

Uh, in order to get good at something. If you don't practice it, you won't get good. So if we want the same thing with this, if we want to overcome the fear of talking with strangers, you want to get good at talking with strangers. You got to do it. No matter we're about to get to the tips and like the next minute. 

But it doesn't matter how many tips I give you. Cause we have quite a few, but doesn't matter how many tips I give you and how to implement these. It's all a matter of you actually implementing them. Right. I can give you all the tips. I can tell you how to implement them, but if you don't actually do it and just sit here and say, oh, that was a nice episode. You're not going to get the outcome that you so desire. 

Okay. So with that in mind it remember if you want. To be good at this. Take these tips, implement them. And that. You're going to start to see some change. So what are these strategy that I've been alluding to this entire time? Right.  📍 So the first one that you want to understand when it comes to strategy is preparation. 

Yes preparation. You want to understand what is it that I want to get out of this conversation with this individual? What is the goal. If you're talking to somebody at a networking event, Is the goal to exchange numbers, exchange business cards, just shake somebody's hand. What is it that you're trying to do? 

Right. Prepare yourself. What are you trying to get out of this conversation? And try your best to say, okay, how am I going to lead the conversation in this way? How am I going to lead the interaction towards getting it to where I want this outcome to be? Now. Caveat to this. Is this. Even though you have a plan, always understand that plans change. There is a chance that whoever it is that you're talking to might not want to go down that path. That again comes down to the whole fear of the rejection or fear of the judgment you realize, oh my. 

My initial plan, subconsciously, you're not actively thinking this, but subconsciously you're saying my plan for this conversation. I was now derailed side rail. We're off the track. I don't know what to do now. That's fine. That's going to happen again. Plans always change, but assuming that  📍 person is a rational human being again. 

You roll with the flow. 

With that again, first strategy preparation, make sure you know what you want to talk about, make sure that you already understand what you want the outcome of the conversation to be. Make sure. Most importantly, that the person who you are talking to is on the same wavelength as you, because if you're coming in, let's say you're going into a debate. You're going into the debate, trying to get an understanding or trying to garner some more understanding from this other individual, but this other person just wants to prove you wrong. 

What's the point of having the conversation, because you're just trying to get an understanding and then this person trying to prove you wrong. Like it does. You're not aligned on what it is that you actually want out of that conversation. So you're never going to get to equal ground because you both are not on the same wavelength of what it is. 

Right. So that's another pro tip for you.  📍 Second strategy that I want for you to do all to implement is to start with small steps. Do not go and engage in super lengthy conversations right away. Do not do that as the fastest way for you to fail. And I'm not trying to set you up for failure. What I'm trying to do here is give you, as I always allude to the small, simple steps that are so small, you basically cannot fail at them. 

So what I want you to do is instead of trying to go in and try to have this super long drawn out conversation with whoever it is that you want to go ahead and talk to. Talk about something small. You can just literally I kid you not, you can literally go into a conversation say, hi, my name is John. What's your name? Keith. Nice to meet you, Keith. 

I was just walking around and just, you know, making my face, knowing, just say hi to people. That's all. I didn't want to take up too much of your time. Have a nice day. You're done. That's it. You're done. Let's say you're in the store, right? You're in the store. You're shopping for some rice or something. 

And someone comes up next to you and that all you have to do. Okay. It's literally this simple. You might not have been doing it, but it's literally this simple, you're looking at some rice and then when the person comes up next to you also looking at rice, you say,  📍 Hey, excuse me, sir. Or ma'am I have a quick question. 

Do you recommend this brand of rice? I'm trying to some new brands of rice. And I want to know if this one would be a good one to try and then they'll answer the question and you say, oh, okay, thanks. Thanks for that. Appreciate it. Have a nice day done. You might not have even cared about the brand of rice. 

But the point was for you to get used to talking to somebody you've never talked to a day in your life. And the more you do that, the more you realize, huh? Majority of people aren't out here. Trying to get at me. They're not out here trying to demean me. In fact come close. In fact, most people are just as nervous of talking to you as you are talking to them. So just in the same way, you're hoping, oh, I hope that person starts a conversation because I don't want to do it. They're also thinking, I hope they start a conversation because I don't want to do it. 

So now you both are sitting there hoping each other starts because neither of you all want to start. So , be the person who starts the conversation, something super, super. Super simple, super easy.  📍 Another strategy that I want you all to remember. When you are having these conversations is to be mindful of the setting that you are in different settings call for different kinds of conversational tones. Okay. 

Give me give you an example back to our networking event with John and Keith, right. We found a networking event. Again, like I said, I mean, if you want to watching this on video or anything, you'll see hand was out, you shake the hand of John and Keith, they shake their hands. Because what you want to do, if you're at something like a party or you're at something like a little get together, maybe your high school reunion, or maybe your college, whatever you're at, right. It's something super colloquial, something super, super chill. 

Everybody. Just like everybody just having a good time. No, one's here trying to network and just trying to catch up on old times. You know, on a lock up and be like, hi, John, my name is Keith. How are you? That's not the place for that. Okay. Well, I mean you can, but typically you're not going to see that happen there. You're not going to see. 

Brother man was good. You're going to see all the DAP ups, right. That's what you're usually going to see. And what you usually going to hear, probably see some drinks, getting whatever you, you get the idea, right? So be mindful of the setting that you're in. If you're at a networking event and you want to make small talk again. 

Go back a few minutes. Listen to the John Keith example. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good. Just walking around. Okay. Cool. All right. By simple as that, if you want to make small talk in something like a party setting or something like that, you just literally find some object, some items, some things, some  📍 activity going on. 

That you can start a conversation with. I say there's music going on. For example, you walk up to, you know, someone else who's just kind of sitting there, you know, when there's a, widow's a really good song, bumping and jam and you bump it, you go in AA. You go in right. The music's going strong. You see that person sitting over there eight years ago, a brother, man there, the music bumping what was going on, you know, you, you're not, you're not feeling too. 

Yeah. You want to get up and do something? And then there you go. You can start a conversation just like that. And on top of that, we're not going to get into the psychology, but you came up with a whole bunch of positive energy. And this person might've been in a neutral state and you come in with a positive state. So now they're going to naturally adopt more of your positive state and be more willing to open up to you and to converse with you. 

To see how this works.  📍 Another strategy I want you to implement is the power of active listening. Now, this could be an episode all by itself. We're just going to touch on it at a very, very, very simple, simple stage here. Active listening means you're paying attention, full attention toward this person. 

Is saying you're not distracted. You're not looking here, there everywhere. You're not doing all that. You're fully engaged in what this person is saying. But in the next strategy we're going to get to in a second. You'll see how we're going to take this one step further. Right? But generally speaking, you want to practice your active listening skills instead of focusing on what you're going to say. Next, focus on what the person is saying and respond another good way to put this in a very simple state. 

One good way to think about this is when you're listening to somebody talk. Don't listen to them just to get something back at them. I don't just listen to just be ready to come back or be ready to say something right back what you already had preconceived in your head. Listen to what they're saying and respond. 

Based on what they said that way, that  📍 person not only feels like you're listening. But now you can also be in tune with that. And now, while they're talking, while they're seeing what they need to do, you're processing. Hmm. Why does it that they think that way? Why is it that there is that they're doing that. And then instead of overly processing, just ask them the question. Hey, that's a very interesting point that you brought up there. 

My perspective is this, what do you think of this or my upbringing or my experiences that taught me X, Y, Z. Then you can get to a conversation. Who knows you just made a friend who knows. Right.  📍 And so the next tip that I'm going to give you another step a little bit deeper than active listening is actually conversational. Mirroring. 

This technique is so helpful and all my gosh, it's so powerful. And the best thing is it's so simple. My guys. 

It's it's if you've never heard of conversation mirroring. Oh my gosh. You're in for a treat. Write this down. Okay. Conversation mirroring simply means you're going to copy the person's body language. Your tone. Their pace of speech. And most importantly, especially if they say something that's interesting, the last few words of what they said and say it in a questioning form and then add onto it. What do you mean by that? 

So someone's talking, yada yada, yada, yada, yada dada. Dada that let's say for example, right. I just got back from the eye doctor. Okay. Let's use that. As an example, I just got back from the eye doctor. And then, you know, you're talking to somebody, yada, yada, yada talk. Talking talking, talking. 

And then they, they they'll get to the end of what they're saying. And then it will be your turn to talk. And let's say the lab, one of the last things they said was, oh man. But I've been thinking about getting like LASIK eye surgery and stuff like that. But I don't know about a man, you know, I I'm, I haven't done too much research on it, but you know, it sounds like something that will be potential, but I don't know about it yet. 

Did you say? Hm. LASIK eye surgery. Interesting. What, what makes you. Process the idea of what makes you want to potentially undergo that. And then they'll go into a whole nother thing. Oh, my eyes have been bad. And yada, yada. And this that, oh, your eyes have been bad. How long have they been bad for? Oh man. Since I was like a young kid and things of that nature. 

You can see how this just keeps on going. Of course you don't want a conversation mirror forever because then it feels like that person just talking, talking, talking, and you do want to incorporate a little bit more. Than just that. But generally speaking to get you started in the flow and to get you kind of warmed up to active listening. 

Use conversational mirror, especially the person's getting really energetic. And then you just kind of come in with, oh,  📍 the person's like really energetic, like, oh, let's talk about LASIK and yada, yada, yada. And then you just come in. Oh, really? LASIK. That's pretty interesting. You know, what, what makes you want to go ahead and pursue that? 

I'm intrigued. And then you see your copy. You kind of give me like that 80 a hundred right there, given full on what they're given at that experience. You want to get him by 80% of that to show you're kind of on that wavelength, right? Again, it's a lot of stuff going on, but again, conversational mirroring, man. 

It is a, it is a golden nugget man. Use that. I'm telling you conversations will become so much easier. You're eventually going to find something that you can fish for. And that you can kind of remotely branch from something that they said, maybe the, let's say, let's go back to the eye doctor example, right? 

Let's say we're talking about LASIK and then you respond back LASIK. Why do you think that they explain back that their eyes are bad and you explain how, how long have you guys been bad for? And you say, oh, mine has been bad for years and years and years. Oh, I had an uncle. Or I have an uncle who also has really bad eyesight as well. 

I don't know, personally, I don't have bad. This is just an example, personally, I don't have bad eyesight, but I have an uncle who has really bad eyesight. And he always talks about all the time. I was always hard to see you can't really drive tour without his classes. So I really understand your paint. How was it for you with that? So see how you still conversational mirrored, but at the same time, you still incorporate a little bit of your own personal story into that. 

So now this person now feels connected to you. On two levels. One you're listening actively and responding to what they're saying based on exactly what they're saying. And to now you're bringing in personal anecdotes and a personal family story now. So that was, the person feels even more connected to you. 

Is that this is working out. And your favor. And by this time you should be way more comfortable with this individual, not to the point of, Hey, come on over to my house, let's go have some drinks, like not, not that comfortable with the comfortable to the point where, oh, now I can actually like, you know, kind of  📍 really feel like I can actually talk to this person and chop it up. 

And. Then you eventually get to that kind of a stage. Oh, then you, once you get there, you're golden, then, then you're just there. At that point, you're just flowing at that point. You don't even need any more tips and tricks at that point. You're just flowing, flowing, flowing, and you're good. Okay. 

So. That's pretty much going to be most of the strategies there that I do want to touch on in this episode, I have a bunch more, but because I love you guys so much, and I love giving you all this value. I do a three more strategies. I do want to rapid fire at you guys real, real quick. Okay. So this way, it'll make your conversations even more engaging. 

Number one, I kind of already alluded to this and that's kinda like that 8,100. Rule or that 8,100 tip or tactic. I like to use whatever energy that they're giving you give about 80% of that energy. 

You want to maintain a positive open bilanguage right. Assuming people are coming at you pretty neutral. You want to come at it kind of the same way. Right. But you always want to remain. On the edge or towards the spectrum. Of positive, open body language. You don't want to be negative. You don't want to be hunched over in, closed off and crossing your arms. You want to take a wider stage and you want to take up space. Okay. You want to take up space? You'll see a lot of times on, on camera. If you're watching the videos or if you're watching the shorts or whatever it might be. 

You'll see a lot of times my hands are moving. I'm moving around after the remain conscious to keep within distance of my microphone. But you'll see them all the time and I'm moving around. You know, I'm not sitting here, you know, my hands are all crossed up and I'm just saying, oh, okay guys, we're going to be learning about not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm taking up space. I'm taking up space. 

I'm speaking confidently. I'm making sure that I'm saying what I need to say. Um, I'm not afraid to take up room. When you sit down, don't be afraid to use the arm rest. Sit  📍 back, relax. Okay. Have that open body language smile, make the eye contact. Okay. When you do that, you look more welcoming versus if you just sit there. 

You know, curled up almost a fetal position in your seat closed off. You don't want to talk to anybody. It looks like it might spit venom at him or something. Right. But if you sit confidently openly, I just relax. Like you're, you're not, you're not sweating anything that's going on in that situation. Whatever happens happens. 

Oh man, people are going to be that much more likely to want to come up and talk to you because again, a lot of conversations are subconscious. Second bonus tip here is to be genuinely curious about the person that you're speaking with. This kind of goes back to our conversation mirroring point that we had before. 

But if you're not genuinely curious and you don't really care about this person, it's okay to just exit the conversation. If it's not benefiting you, it feels like a drag to talk to this person. I'm not. Saying, talk to this person and force yourself. If this person is an absolute drag and they're just playing on your psyche and you just can't do it anymore, they're just a negative Nancy draining your energy. If that's the case. 

Bro leave the conversation. You got my permission. Leave the conversation. That's personally what I do. This person is going to become a drag. I just stopped the conversation. I'm like, all right. You know what? Well, nice talking with you. You have a good day. Leave it alone. I'm done. I'm not talking to you anymore. 

Cause you you're, you're just killing my whole vibe here. Okay. But if you are genuinely curious about that person, I have to talk with them for a few seconds. It's going to help out that much more because the person can then pick up on the fact that you are curious about what they're saying, what they're doing. 

Anything like that. They're going to pick up on that. They're going to pick up on it. And then it's going to make it even more likely for them to be genuinely curious about you. And you curious about them. Yeah, this conversation, boom. Conversation. And lastly, this one is a big one for people. So I had to include. 

As a bonus tip had to include it. Don't be afraid of silences. Or pauses. In conversation. 

Now.  📍 You'll see a lot of times that I will pause or I will have silence. In what I'm saying? 

And that's a lot of times, because what I'm trying to do is think about what I'm trying to say and formulate what I'm trying to say before. I even say it. 

And the reason why I'm doing that. And I'm taking these extra long dramatic pauses as to kind of prove the point as well. But the reason why you do that. Is because it sounds a lot better. To just pause. Or to have a moment of silence. Then for you to just go. Um, so I'm going to, uh, I'm going to make a, um, uh, a silence and a, um, 

Uh, a pause because a it's kind of a, uh, it's kind of important. It doesn't sound nearly as good as if you say. I am going to take a pause and also. Take a quick silence. Break. So that way I can process what it is. I'm going to say. Before. I say it.  📍 See how that came off a lot more confident and a lot more. 

Just that feeling of, I know what I'm saying. You see how it came off like that versus saying all those ums and all those us. There's a reason why a lot of editors take out the ums in the us because they're filler words, you're filling the space. You don't sound as confident. And also, it just comes off as you don't really know what to say versus if you pause. 

Between what you're saying, especially powerful pauses are pauses. Mid-sentence if you pause mid-sentence. Then people know. That you are continuing a thought. That way, people are also less likely to cut you off mid-sentence as another, even bigger pro-tip. But also pauses are really good way to be able to listen attentively, formulate those responses. Again, remember that active listening, formulate those new responses. 

And then respond in the way that you would then like to respond in.  📍 Especially if someone tells you something a lot of times I'll just go. Interesting. And then I'll, I'll look up. Cause that's usually a sign of you're trying to process something, looking up. You know, usually hand you the looks like you're thinking. 

Versus saying just, uh, uh, uh, uh, Hmm. Um, Hmm. It just, no, just, no, just stop it. Stop. It sounds bad. You sound gross. You don't sound like, you know what you're doing. Okay. You need to sound, if you're trying to, again, talk to these strangers, you're trying to leave a good impression because remember. 

You also need to remember this other important thing too. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. So whatever impression you're leaving that first time. That's it. That is it you're never, ever going to be able to erase that impression and put something brand new. So it's imperative. 

At you practice these tips and strategies, test them out my recommendation. Next time you go to the store  📍 and you're in the right section or the electronic section or whatever, have you. Talk to somebody that's in there. To make it even easier on yourself. Just wave over an employee and then ask them a quick question. 

Hey, excuse me, sir. Or ma'am do you know where the headphones are? Do you know where the electronics are? Yes, the right over there. Okay. Thank you. You'll be surprised how many people will just wander a store. Instead of just waving down an employee and asking for help. Okay. You'll be surprised. Start there if you can't, even if you're not even comfortable doing that, start there. Just start by saying, Hey, I need a quick favor. Where is XYZ in the store? And they will say, oh, it's over there. 

If they don't know. Then you go and ask somebody else or even better. If they do know you go to that section, stay there for a minute or two, then you wave down another employee. Hey. Do you know where the bedding is in the store? Yes, it's over there. Okay. Thank  📍 you very much. You go over there. And it says, Hey, when you're in the bedding section, Hey, do you know where the toys arts and crafts section is? I'm looking specifically for colored pencils? Sure, sir. Ma'am it is over there. 

Thank you. That's it. You see how you added even more to that? You're already growing. That's what I'm going to leave you guys with. Okay. But I do want to remind you that again, overcoming this fear of talking with strangers is a practice. It is a journey. It never, ever stops. You always learn more tips and tricks. It's not something that's like once I learned it, it's a one and done. You're always learning different tips and tricks. 

To be able to implement and increase your ability to talk to strangers and to be able to do it confidently. But I guarantee you, you start off with these basic strategies, these basic tips, these basic steps. For all the conversation that you initiate and you will therefore be on your way to building your confidence and expanding your social network. 

 📍 And guys. That's what I got for you this week. Thank you so much for tuning into another episode of motivate grind succeed. And I hope that you all got something super valuable out of this episode, that you can actually go ahead and use to apply to your life, to make your life way, way better. If you enjoyed the show, please leave a rating and review, let us know how we helped you out, because it really does mean the world to us. 

I love reading those reviews and guys, if you want to join our email list or support the show, check out the link down in this episodes description. To go ahead and check those things out if you're so inclined to do so. Take care and I will see you guys next time.